Hi ya’ll.  Thought I’d share a little eye candy with you today.  I seriously cannot get enough of the magical blooming flowers in Portland these day.  The latest gorgeousness courtesy of POPPIES and IRISES.  Thank you nature for all the inspiration!

I also wanted to let you know that I’m giving away ten free spots for my next Bloom True e-course over on the Do What You Love blog.  The fun part is that you have to nominate someone ELSE to receive the gift.  So…who do you know who might really benefit from five weeks of brave intuitive painting and living?  Show your love and pay it forward by leaving a comment with your nomination over on the blog.  Cheers and happy Wednesday! xo flora

Hi ya’ll.  Look at me…writing a post AFTER the 30-Day Love Affair is over!  It’s true.  I feel I have officially transformed my relationship with this lovely blog.  Dreading my “blog homework” has now been replaced by thoughts like, “Write a blog?  Sure. Totally.  Why not?  No big deal.  Sounds fun.”  So, that said, I’m officially popping in to say hello and to thank you for your ah-MAZE-ing comments in response to my last post about my name change.  If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend reading the comments—so moving and inspiring.  Reading your comments reminded me why…

It’s so important for us to share our stories!

It’s so easy to keep our stories to ourselves—to believe they are not important, not interesting, too personal or to believe that they might somehow burden other people.  I understand this—oh. so. well.  I understand this because I’ve been feeling all these things for years.  On that note, I gotta tell you that I seriously felt like I was going to puke after I hit the “publish” button on my name change blog.  After I posted the blog, I texted my friend Kelly Rae Roberts and said, “I just revealed a big deep part of my story on my blog.  Why do I feel like I’m going to throw up now?”  Her response was simple:

“Oh that’s a vulnerability hangover…you’ll be fine.”

Ha!  I loved that she was so blunt.  I loved that she didn’t give it any extra energy.  Why?  Because Kelly Rae knows a thing or two about vulnerability—she’s been at it for awhile now and I have a lot to learn from her.  A vulnerability hangover, ey?  I get it.  It’s the feeling we get after being really freaking honest, open and, well, vulnerable.  It leaves us feeling a little blown open and exposed in a way that “keeping it cool” does not.  But, you know what else comes with being blown open that does not come from keeping it cool?  An ability to be seen, to connect more deeply, to be held, to be loved and to be known for who we really are.  I think I’ll take that over “keeping it cool” any day.

Yes, last week was a big one for me.  Not only did I share new pieces of my story to thousands of people, but I also sent out a newsletter, finished my taxes (no small feat), embarked on a huge yard renovation, continued training my new assistant, tied up what felt like a million loose ends, got organized for my upcoming trip to Bali (I leave in six days) and finished seven new paintings for a show this week—ya know, no biggie   That said, I seriously needed a little vacation.

We have been having some insanely gorgeous weather here in Oregon, so I did what any smart gal would do headed for the beach with my crush! After two full days of walking in the sand, gazing at the waves, making fires on the beach, cuddling under the stars and soaking up the sun, I literally feel a new person.  Kelly Rae was right.  I’m just fine.  In fact, I’m pretty darn awesome.

Hope you are too!

xo flora

[Testing my wings at Burning Man, circa 2006]

Do you have a cup of tea?  You might want one for this post…it’s a bit of journey in and of itself.  I promised I would go out with a bang, so here goes.  May I present…the never before told story of my most daring and life-changing act to date…

The story of changing my name. 

It may come as no surprise that my Irish-English-German-Midwestern parents did not actually give me the groovy name of Flora when I was born in Green Bay, Wisconsin, in 1974.  Nope, not even close.  Instead, they gave me a good ol’ fashioned Irish name.  They named me Shannon.  And, honestly, I liked my name.  I never ever for one second considered changing my birth name, but as it turns out, another name was waiting for me all along.

It’s difficult to know where to start this story because in some ways it is the story of my entire life, but for the sake of brevity, I’m going to fast forward thirty years to the moment I decided to hightail it down to the Katrina-ravaged Gulf coast.  I can honestly say I don’t know why I felt such an intense urgency to help with that situation, but every time I saw footage of the flooding, the stranded people, the city under water, the entire coast wiped off the map, I was literally moved to tears.  After sitting with those feeling of helplessness and rage for a few weeks, I decided to do something about it.

With a backpack full of essentials, a tent, a sleeping bag and a desire to help, I secured a ride with a stranger from Craigslist, and a few days later I landed in the center of New Orleans.  This was three weeks after Katrina, so you can imagine what the city looked like—or maybe you can’t?  I certainly never thought I would see this kind of destruction in my lifetime, and definitely not in the United States.  To say it was intense and overwhelming and hard to comprehend would be a gross understatement.

Through a series of events including more Craigslist magic, I ended up getting a ride in the back of a dark moving truck from New Orleans to Waveland, Mississippi.  Rumor had it there was a group of “hippies” there serving food and they always needed more helping hands.  Sure enough, when the back of the truck opened and the sun spilled in, I found myself in the middle of a parking lot full of colorful people running around with boxes of potatoes and carrots—smiles on their faces.

Quickly, I learned the ropes and became enmeshed in one of the most beautiful human happenings I have ever experienced.  This rag-tag group of people had one thing in common and that was their desire to make a difference and help people in need.  I spent the next month cutting vegetables, serving salad, sweeping the parking lot and giving the occasional massage to the most grateful people I have ever encountered.  After about month, the “New Waveland Cafe” dissolved, but a group of about ten of us knew there was plenty more work to be done on the Gulf Coast.  We formed a non-profit called, Emergency Communites, and searched for a new location for our kitchen.  We were embraced whole-heartedly by the government officials of St. Bernard Parish, right next the the Lower Ninth Ward of New Orleans.

{And, yes, I swear this all relates to my name change}

For the next four months, I lived in a tent (see below) and worked as the volunteer coordinator for our relief center and kitchen, aptly named, “The Made with Love Cafe.”  Everyday, we served about 2,000 healthy meals to anybody who was hungry.  As you might imagine, this job involved a million different tasks all involving…people.  For the first time in my life, I found myself in a leadership position.  Everyday, I found myself standing in front of groups of people giving orientations, coordinating teams and reaching out online to recruit more volunteers.  I was also chosen as one of the main spokespeople to represent our community to reporters who inevitably came looking for a good Katrina story—we were a pretty awesome story, I must say.

[Emergency Communities tent city, circa 2006]

My six months on the Gulf Coast (I had planned to be there for two weeks…ha!) were simultaneously the most difficult, rewarding and life-changing six months of my life.  By the end of my time there, I had a new sense of myself as a leader, a whole new group of amazing friends and a deep satisfaction for the change I knew I had made.  However, I also had mold in my lungs, post-traumatic stress syndrome and a serious need to touch the earth again (the ground in St. Bernard was too toxic to touch, so our whole world was set up on pallets).  My soul needed to rebuild itself in a pretty major way, so after a quick art show at a New Orleans gallery where I perfectly made a enough money to get back on my feet, I booked a flight to Costa Rica where I could regroup and figure out my next bold move.

During my third week in Costa Rica, I found myself sitting in a natural hot springs pool, surrounded by tropical flowers with an active volcano erupting in the distance (true story).  I was traveling with two friends at the time and one of them jokingly said, “You need a new name.”  You see, Spanish speakers do not have the “SH” sound in their language so pronouncing Shannon was proving to be a bit of a stumbling block every time we met locals.  So, without hesitation, I dipped my head under the water and quickly racked my brain for the most Spanish sounding female name I could come up with.  I emerged and declared ‘Flora’ as my new name.

It was a joke.

However, these two friends took the name  to heart, and for the rest of the trip they called me Flora.  The interesting thing is that every time my friends called me Flora, my heart kinda fluttered.  I LOVED this name!  It still felt foreign and jokey, but I could not deny the other feelings this name inspired.  It made me feel empowered, beautiful, more alive, more…in bloom

After my trip to Costa Rica, I decided to move to Portland, Oregon.  I didn’t know one single person there, but the draw to this city full of creatives was strong, so I made the leap.  I quickly met some amazing people and we all decided to go to Burning Man for the first time together.  I heard that it was typical for people to take on “playa names” at Burning Man, so I decided to be ‘Flora’ for the week.  Why not?  It felt like a fun chance to embody this beloved name for a little bit longer.

What I did not see coming was the HUGE life changing experience that my first trip to Burning Man would become.  In this dusty desert, anything seemed possible, including the ability to re-create yourself in whatever ways you desired.  All around me, I witnessed people expressing themselves FULLY.  One of the ethos of Burning Man is participation, meaning there is no divide between audience and performers.  In theory, there are no spectators.  In the desert, we are all participants, creating our experience collectively and spontaneously, moment-to-moment.

During that profound week, I found myself stepping into a way of being that I had been craving for the past fifteen years.  I could literally feel my heart opening, my confidence growing and my body shifting to embody a more empowered version of myself.  I was becoming more brave, more expressive and more resilient everyday.  It seems crazy to think I could go through such a powerful transformation in just seven days, but I’m pretty sure every moment of my life had been building towards that experience in the desert.  My time on the Gulf Coast was a huge part of the story, followed by my healing time in Costa Rica, my bold move to Portland and then seven days experimenting with “radical self expression.”  The fact that I was ‘Flora’ during those seven days felt really profound.  It was as if ‘Flora’ represented this new version of myself—the version I was so ready to become.

[The Temple @ Burning Man, a place for letting to of what you no longer need.  Oh, and we burn it down on the last night just to make the point.]

After Burning Man, I found myself back in Portland and back to Shannon, but every time I heard this name, it suddenly felt like the “old me.”  I craved ‘Flora’ and all the associations I now had with that beautiful name.  One night, it occurred to me that I had the power to change my name, to redefine my entire being. WOAH.  Really?  This hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was scary because I think on a soul level I knew this is what I needed to do, but seriously?  Flora?  My family would officially think I’m crazy.  And, what about all the work I had done to establish my artist self with my other name?  What about www.shannonbowley.com?

If this was going to actually happen, this was going to be BIG.

For the next couple of weeks, I sat with this seemingly crazy idea.  I swear I had sleepless nights worrying about what everybody would think.  Yet another hippie changing her name…how annoying!  But, there was something much much bigger happening here.  This name, this newly empowered person was choosing me, and it was my job to…listen. Eventually, I caved.  I felt like I had no other choice.  I told my entire family I was now Flora.  (Holy shit, that was scary).   My 87-year old dad still calls me Shannon, and I totally understand, but every other person on the planet now calls me Flora…

and I love it.

I officially changed my name seven years ago, and like I said, it was absolutely the boldest and most empowering thing I have ever done.  This idea of stepping into and renaming yourself as the person you know deep down you want to be is a pretty amazing concept.  To believe you have the power to change yourself and how you show up in the world is a pretty fucking radical idea actually (pardon my language, but I’ve refrained from dropping the f-bomb until I really really needed it to make a point ).

Every year since I changed my name, I have felt myself embody ‘Flora’ more and more.  After decades of believing I was ugly and awkward—a wall flower without a voice, I literally started to change the way I perceived myself.  I started to see myself as beautiful, unique (vs. awkward), smart, able to lead and able to stand strong in my power.  This definitely didn’t happen overnight and I believe this kind of transformation never actually ends (as proven by these last 30 days), but the fact that my very name represented the person I was striving to become, was a very crucial part of my transformation.

{Wow.  Are you still there?}

This story ended up being a lot longer than I intended, and it actually could have been ten times longer, but there you have it.  My “name coming out story” finally set free for all to know!  It sure felt good to share that with you and I hope you enjoyed it.  And, just as my new name signified the beginning of a new chapter in my life, so does the conclusion of this 30-Day Blog Love Affair.  Instead of dreading my blog writing “homework,” I now feel all kinds of excitement and loving anticipation when I think about writing more posts in the future.  I can assure you this is certainly not the end.

It is only the beginning.

Thank you so much for joining me for ride.

Until next time…

xo flora

[Embracing 'Flora', circa 2008.  Photo by Tyson Robichaud]

]]> http://braveintuitiveyou.com/blog/2013/04/30/30-day-blog-love-affair-day-30-whohoo/feed/ 96 http://braveintuitiveyou.com/blog/2013/04/30/30-day-blog-love-affair-day-29/ http://braveintuitiveyou.com/blog/2013/04/30/30-day-blog-love-affair-day-29/#comments Tue, 30 Apr 2013 05:19:19 +0000 Flora http://braveintuitiveyou.com/?p=3000

Yowza, Day #29, ey?  I have to admit that all day I’ve been a little stressed about what I would write today.  The “second to last day” of this month-long experiement seems like some kind of big deal that deserves some kind of amazingness.  I even considered making a little video for you to really prove how brave I am (ha ha), but after investigating iMovie for about ten minutes, I gave up.  My truth tonight is that I’m tired, my hair looks like shit, I’ve been on my computer waaaaay too long already today and I’m definitely not feeling very inspired or inspiring.  Huh, I think my shoulders just dropped about two inches after I typed that.  The honest truth will do that to you

I think what I will do instead of trying to impress you with some kind of awesome heartfelt video, is to simply reflect for a minute on how this 30-Day Blog Love Affair has been for me.  Like many things in life, I’ve been so busy keeping up with it, along with the rest of my life, that I haven’t really (like really) stood back and asked myself how it’s been.

{pausing to actually do this}

OK.  That was interesting.  The first thing that came to mind was a deep feeling of deep satisfaction for making a commitment and actually sticking to it.  Such a simple thing, but in a world of flakiness, I must say it feels good to follow through on something that was not exactly easy.  There were plenty of days that I didn’t feel like writing, just like there are plenty of days I don’t feel like going to yoga or taking a walk, but like most things that are good for you, starting is the hardest part.  After something is in motion, it’s often pretty easy to keep it going.  This, in and of itself, is an awesome lesson and reminder.

Lesson #1:  Starting is usually the hardest part. Following through on commitments feels awesome.  Just do it.

The next thing I’m realizing is that, for the most part, writing my blog felt more and more natural every single day.  It felt a little bit like getting reaquainted with an old friend.  At first it was a bit awkward and forced until I found my rhythm and remembered all the things I actually like about writing.  For example, I love how writing requires me to be fully present and aware of my thoughts and how it demands me to get clear on how I feel.

Lesson #2:  Everything is a practice.  You actually have to do the work in order for things to get easier.

Next, I must admit that I never even considered all the comments I would receive from all of you amazing people.  I really kinda did this for my own healing, but waking up to your words of encouragement, your reflections and stories (especially all the dating success stories!) was so fun for me this month.  I choose not to respond to comments (all part of my keeping life simple plan), but please know I read every single comment and really felt your presence along with me on this journey. So, THANK YOU!

Lesson #3:  When you follow your soul’s calling, it often inspires others (even if that was not your goal).

Finally, if you’ve been reading along from the beginning, you know that this experiment was all about freeing up and healing my voice by writing from the heart and sharing my truth and my story publicly.  Well, folks, I’m happy to say I have succeeded with this intention.  I know this is one small step on a journey that will likely never end, but as Lesson #1 points out, starting is the often the hardest part.

The truth is that taking this step towards healing my voice was actually a pretty damn big deal for me.  I know it might appear to be a cute little blog experiment, but really this issue around my voice runs very deep and I’ve had all kinds of resistance to dealing with it.  I’m pretty sure the fear around speaking up and speaking out goes way back, most likely to lifetimes prior to this one where I was not allowed to speak or punished for speaking my truth.  (Hope I’m not loosing you here).  Regardless of where and when it all started, I have been aware for a very long time that I need to heal this part of my being.

For so many years, I expressed myself only through the visual arts and through various movement modalities.  Why?  Because painting and dancing are easy for me!  Speaking in front of people or writing about things that feel personal and vulnerable = not so easy. In fact, pretty freaking difficult.  But, as life would have it, I now find myself in a position where using my voice is essential to my life’s work and people actually seem to  listen when I speak—thanks Universe for giving me the perfect opportunity to work on exactly what I need to work on!  I still get incredibly nervous every time I’m about to teach a workshop and hitting the “publish” button on my more revealing blog posts has also proven to be a bit painful.  I’m afraid of being judged, sounding stupid, making typos, causing controversy, offending someone, looking bad, sounding bad and the list goes on and on…ALL FEAR BASED ways of thinking and all things I’m ready to let go of.

Lesson #4:  Moving directly through fear is the only way to get to the other side, and the other side is where LOVE lives.

Wow, I didn’t see any of what I just wrote coming through the pipeline, but there you have it—my “Top Four Lessons Learned Through my Month of Blogging.”  At least these are the lessons I’m experiencing in this particular moment.  I have a feeling they might keep coming

And, don’t you worry, tomorrow I *will* go out with a bang.  Stay tuned.

I realize this might verge on giving away the ending of a book, but I am going to risk it and share with you the list of “friendly reminders” I offer on the final day of my online course.  I hope you find these reminders helpful, and if they leave you craving more elaboration, my next online course starts in one month.  I would love for you to join me on the adventure!

I also want to share with you a few of my latest paintings in progress.  I can honestly say I’ve been taking a lot of my own advise these days—remembering to trust, let go, experiment, play, explore new territory and push my boundaries.  It feels like a breath of fresh air to continue re-inventing my style in this way—one of the many beautiful things about being an artist!

Hope you had a great weekend…

xo flora

<<<<< REMEMBER >>>>>

You are an artist. You were born to create. Your paintings are already inside you waiting to be born through you. SET THEM FREE.

There are no mistakes. Anything can be transformed at any moment.

Be PATIENT as your paintings emerge. Don’t rush the process.

Be witness to your thoughts, actions, and patterns.

Witnessing creates space for transformation.

YOUR THOUGHTS CREATE YOUR LIFE. Choose your thoughts wisely.

Be gentle on yourself (and others).

LET GO of preconceived ideas. Having expectations will only get in your way.

BE OPEN to all possibilities…all the time.

Listen to your intuition. Go with your gut. TRUST YOURSELF completely.

Be a brave explorer. Embrace the process of discovery along the way.

You don’t need to know what will happen next. In fact, it’s better if you don’t.

Respond to what is happening in the present moment. It’s all a conversation.

Be spontaneous. IMPROVISE!

Ask yourself, “What is working?” and “What do I enjoy doing?”

‘What is working’ is your entry point. Every moment is a new starting point.

There comes a time when you need to commit to something, anything. Commit to NOW.

Make bold commitments + follow through. You can always change your mind.

Keep your brush moving. Follow your heart. You know what to do.

Don’t be afraid to go overboard. You can simplify at any time.

This is not a linear process from chaos to order. SPIRAL in and out instead.

BE FLEXIBLE. Be open to the unexpected. Surprise yourself.

If you don’t like your painting, you have nothing to loose. Be bold!

Remember to do things that scare you or feel “crazy.” Be brave!

Step out of your comfort zone…again and again and again.

Allow your process to be SEEN. Let go of “perfection.”

Embrace your vulnerability. This is YOU at your most raw and real. It is a gift.

Loosen up, have fun, be playful. Don’t take yourself too seriously.

The process is much more important than the product.

Getting “stuck” is part of the process + often leads to great breakthroughs.

Don’t indulge in your stuck-ness. Move on through to the other side.

Allow yourself to focus on what is working. Accept what IS and keep painting.

Changing courses many times makes for interesting paintings in the end.

Your most valuable techniques are what come most naturally to you.

Only YOU can paint like you. Your heartfelt creations are a gift to the world.

For my entire adult life, I have lived communally (yep, like a true hippie) among diverse and wonderfully inspiring groups of creative folks.  Over the past four years, I’ve lived with a mandolin player, a photographer/videgrapher, a raw pie maker, a bike shop owner, a massage therapist/gardener and a shaman-in-training.  Our house is now famous for it’s house concerts, potlucks, art nights and backyard sauna parties.  We have 15 bikes parked under our hand-built bike storage area right next to our front yard food garden.  We don’t have chickens anymore, but all our neighbors do, so the air is still filled with the sound of clucking.  Basically, we are our own little Portlandia episode around here everyday.  You can picture it, right?

As a big fan of community and collaboration (and as a way to share expenses), I’ve consciously chosen to live this way for, oh, about twenty years now.  (woah.)  Living communally has enhanced my life in so many ways and as you can imagine, I’ve learned some serious lessons about sharing, flexibility and respect. Let’s just say, one of my favorite sayings of all time is…

Teamwork makes the dream work. 

However, my life has shifted in some pretty massive ways over the past few years.  I no longer work by myself all day long in my studio, craving human interaction at the end of the day.  Instead, my life is so full of people, I can barely keep up with all the names in my world.  I love the people aspect of my life as a teacher, but I tell ya what, living with four people, teaching large groups of people AND connecting with thousands of people online is simply too many…people.

So, about one year ago, I sat down with my friend, Ben, designer/builder extraordinaire, to discuss the possibility of building a little house in my backyard—a little house just for me.  For the first time in my life, I had a bit of money saved and my craving for my own space was quickly turning into a *need* for my own space.  It was becoming obvious that in order to do this level of work in the world, my soul actually required a cocoon to reintegrate, regroup and reinvent the next version of what I would eventually teach to others.

When the opportunity to build a cocoon became a reality, I immediately said YES.  Together, Ben and I started sketching out my dream house. This dream house would only occupy 450 square feet of my backyard, so our dreaming was contained but as a result of our size parameters, we got quite creative.  I knew I wanted a “wall of windows,” many skylights and a loft with no separate rooms.  Ben’s solution to my vision was to “go up.”

I’m pretty sure my new house is the tallest building on my block.  I have three 12 foot windows on one side (aka: the wall of windows).  There are also five skylights, a loft, a sleeping loft in the loft (double loft!) and no rooms besides one small room containing a toilet.  The process of co-designing my house was amazing and living inside it’s walls (I moved in two months ago) is actually a little bit surreal.  Like I said, I’ve never lived alone, so it all feels rather luxurious on many levels—450 square feet of luxury!

Truth disclaimer:  I’ve been feeling a little bit hesitant to share my house with you because, once again, I’m still struggling with my own “deserving” stories.  But, alas, this blog experiment is offering me the perfect way to move through that old story to the other side—the side where I totally deserve a super zen, light-filled, personally designed dream cocoon with the best bathtub in the Universe.  Hell yeah.

What I’m realizing more and more everyday is how by creating this nurturing space for myself, I am taking care of ME which, in turn, allows me to inspire and encourage thousands of other people to nurture their own creative spirits.  Self-care ripple effect in action!

I hope you enjoy this little glimpse into my cocoon…

xo flora

It’s ‘Sweet Reminders Friday’ brought to you by two of my favorite wisdom keepers…

All the possibilities of your human destiny are asleep in your soul. You are here to realize and honor these possibilities. When love comes in to your life, unrecognized dimensions of your destiny awaken and blossom and grow. Possibility is the secret heart of time.— John O’Donohue from Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.― Mary Oliver from Blue Pastures

Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
With your one wild and precious life?― Mary Oliver from New and Selected Poems

We do not need to go out and find love; rather, we need to be still and let love discover us.— John O’Donohue from Anam Cara: A Book of Celtic Wisdom

<<<<LOVE YOU ALL.  HAPPY FRIDAY>>>> xo flora

We have an event here in Portland called the Last Thursday Art Walk.  It started fourteen years ago as a sort of the rebel offspring of the First Thursday Art Walk held in the downtown galleries.  It is truly a renegade DIY event in every aspect of the word—equal parts carnival, garage sale, art fair, burning man, protest, karaoke, dance party, art experiment, parade, ______.

It’s a place were performance artists of all sorts, buskers, marching bands, crafters and anyone trying to make a buck merge together in the name of “anything can be considered art” for one colorful evening a month.  It’s a place where spontaneous dance parties break out in the street, stilt walkers become almost “normal” and you never really know what you’ll find on the next block.  It’s a place where unique expression is celebrated, diverse neighborhood populations merge, and for the most part, everyone seems to have a really good time.  Oh, and I’m pretty sure it’s some of the best people watching on the planet.

I just returned home from what felt like the first official Last Thursday of the year (it’s a warm weather event, and tonight was particularly lovely).  I’m definitely a little wired from all the stimulation…and perhaps the full moon   But, mostly I’m also feeling incredibly  grateful for my freaky city where truly anything goes and art is an extension of life itself.  We sure are lucky here.

I also want to thank you all for your beautiful heartfelt comments yesterday after my “Blogging about Dating 101″ post.  I so loved hearing all your stories of LOVE FOUND!

Hurray for love.

Hurray for art.

Hurray for you.

xo flora

You asked for crush details, so I’m going to be brave and spill the beans…at least a few beans for now.

If you have been following along in my world at all, you have probably noticed that I never, like ever, talk about my romantic life.  In fact, up until this lil’ blog experiment, I’ve talked very little about my personal life off the canvas, AT ALL.  There are a couple of reasons for this.  One is that I have a story about keeping things private online which is really interesting because I’m really quite the open book in real life.  The other reason is that I’m totally scared I might jinx a good thing.

You see, I had an experience last summer where I fell really hard for someone I met at Burning Man.  After one magical week with this person, I was sure he was “the one”.  I proceeded to gush to my family and friends (and even to a group of workshop participants) about this new love in my life only to have the whole thing go terribly south on our second meeting—in Italy.  Yep, super romantic trip gone horribly wrong.

So, with my tail between my legs and a whole lot of lessons learned, I re-entered the land of being single once again.  I was pretty content there after the Burning Man debacle “learning opportunity” but after about six months of not meeting anyone, I decided to join an online dating site.  Yes, you read that right.  This felt like a seriously brave move for me, but with the rest of my life online, it also seemed like a really reasonable way to meet someone.

After pouring my heart into my online dating profile (it was like a part time job for a minute there), I went on a total of about 15 first dates with only a few of them leading to second dates.  Soon, I started to feel…tired.  (I kept joking to my friends that my next book would be called, Brave Intuitive Dating).  Truth is, I found the process to be quite interesting and entertaining in a social experiment kind of way, but it was also completely exhausting.  So exhausting that I was ready to throw in the towel but not before I went on one last date!  As luck, or the stars, or my manifestation powers or ____,  would have it, this last date was really easy, fun and romantic.  Kismet!

It’s been six weeks now and I still feel giddy every time I’m about to see….let’s call him “my crush.”  Our time together feels like good medicine for me—grounded, easy, nurturing and sweet while still being exciting, passionate and new—a winning combo for sure.  I obviously have no idea where this is going, but it sure is a great way to practice being in the moment and not get ahead of myself.  Gotta love dating for that opportunity.

So there, I said it and I’m going to trust I didn’t jinx it I could definitely go on and on about what it’s like to date at age 38, the vulnerabilities in my heart and how stepping into something new always rattles me to the core in certain ways, but I think I’m going to stop with this one baby step.

“Blogging about Dating 101″

Until tomorrow…wishing you well.

xo flora

It’s crazy beautiful today in Portland and my spirits are flying high. I spent the day doing exactly what I love to do:  painting and connecting with awesome people.  My friend and peer, Rachael Rice (aka the Cosmic American) came over for a painting date.  We rolled out a big drop cloth, flung open the studio door, cut up some potato stamps and went to town.  Our conversations drifted between blogging, boys, current inspirations and our mutual love for fluorescent pink.  Rachael is a new friend but hanging with her is always super effortless and inspiring—exactly what I’m welcoming into my life these days.

I’m getting ready to go for a walk in the sun with my current crush (yes, I have a current crush, but I’m feeling really shy to write about that here…hmm…maybe I’ll get over that soon?), so I’m going to make this quick and sign off with a couple more pics from our collaborative day of play.  Mwah.

xo flora