30-Day Blog Love Affair:: Day #29!

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Yowza, Day #29, ey?  I have to admit that all day I’ve been a little stressed about what I would write today.  The “second to last day” of this month-long experiement seems like some kind of big deal that deserves some kind of amazingness.  I even considered making a little video for you to really prove how brave I am (ha ha), but after investigating iMovie for about ten minutes, I gave up.  My truth tonight is that I’m tired, my hair looks like shit, I’ve been on my computer waaaaay too long already today and I’m definitely not feeling very inspired or inspiring.  Huh, I think my shoulders just dropped about two inches after I typed that.  The honest truth will do that to you :)

I think what I will do instead of trying to impress you with some kind of awesome heartfelt video, is to simply reflect for a minute on how this 30-Day Blog Love Affair has been for me.  Like many things in life, I’ve been so busy keeping up with it, along with the rest of my life, that I haven’t really (like really) stood back and asked myself how it’s been.

{pausing to actually do this}

OK.  That was interesting.  The first thing that came to mind was a deep feeling of deep satisfaction for making a commitment and actually sticking to it.  Such a simple thing, but in a world of flakiness, I must say it feels good to follow through on something that was not exactly easy.  There were plenty of days that I didn’t feel like writing, just like there are plenty of days I don’t feel like going to yoga or taking a walk, but like most things that are good for you, starting is the hardest part.  After something is in motion, it’s often pretty easy to keep it going.  This, in and of itself, is an awesome lesson and reminder.

Lesson #1:  Starting is usually the hardest part. Following through on commitments feels awesome.  Just do it.

The next thing I’m realizing is that, for the most part, writing my blog felt more and more natural every single day.  It felt a little bit like getting reaquainted with an old friend.  At first it was a bit awkward and forced until I found my rhythm and remembered all the things I actually like about writing.  For example, I love how writing requires me to be fully present and aware of my thoughts and how it demands me to get clear on how I feel.

Lesson #2:  Everything is a practice.  You actually have to do the work in order for things to get easier.

Next, I must admit that I never even considered all the comments I would receive from all of you amazing people.  I really kinda did this for my own healing, but waking up to your words of encouragement, your reflections and stories (especially all the dating success stories!) was so fun for me this month.  I choose not to respond to comments (all part of my keeping life simple plan), but please know I read every single comment and really felt your presence along with me on this journey. So, THANK YOU!

Lesson #3:  When you follow your soul’s calling, it often inspires others (even if that was not your goal).

Finally, if you’ve been reading along from the beginning, you know that this experiment was all about freeing up and healing my voice by writing from the heart and sharing my truth and my story publicly.  Well, folks, I’m happy to say I have succeeded with this intention.  I know this is one small step on a journey that will likely never end, but as Lesson #1 points out, starting is the often the hardest part.

The truth is that taking this step towards healing my voice was actually a pretty damn big deal for me.  I know it might appear to be a cute little blog experiment, but really this issue around my voice runs very deep and I’ve had all kinds of resistance to dealing with it.  I’m pretty sure the fear around speaking up and speaking out goes way back, most likely to lifetimes prior to this one where I was not allowed to speak or punished for speaking my truth.  (Hope I’m not loosing you here).  Regardless of where and when it all started, I have been aware for a very long time that I need to heal this part of my being.

For so many years, I expressed myself only through the visual arts and through various movement modalities.  Why?  Because painting and dancing are easy for me!  Speaking in front of people or writing about things that feel personal and vulnerable = not so easy. In fact, pretty freaking difficult.  But, as life would have it, I now find myself in a position where using my voice is essential to my life’s work and people actually seem to  listen when I speak—thanks Universe for giving me the perfect opportunity to work on exactly what I need to work on!  I still get incredibly nervous every time I’m about to teach a workshop and hitting the “publish” button on my more revealing blog posts has also proven to be a bit painful.  I’m afraid of being judged, sounding stupid, making typos, causing controversy, offending someone, looking bad, sounding bad and the list goes on and on…ALL FEAR BASED ways of thinking and all things I’m ready to let go of.

Lesson #4:  Moving directly through fear is the only way to get to the other side, and the other side is where LOVE lives.

Wow, I didn’t see any of what I just wrote coming through the pipeline, but there you have it—my “Top Four Lessons Learned Through my Month of Blogging.”  At least these are the lessons I’m experiencing in this particular moment.  I have a feeling they might keep coming :)

And, don’t you worry, tomorrow I *will* go out with a bang.  Stay tuned.

 

 

23 Comments

  1. Great Lessons flora thank you for sharing :)

  2. sigh.
    thanks.
    I so relate. *nods*

    yay… looking forward to that big bang. :)
    xo

  3. Hi Flora, brilliant words. I too suffer from extreme self doubt when about to hold a work shop, its like stage fright. I worry a week before hand and it then takes me a week to recover, however I feel this is the way my path is leading me and I will break through and stop hiding my self away. I have so much to offer and to help people and I am ‘breaking’ through the fear. I have enjoyed your blog, thanks for sharing you X
    Christine XXX

  4. This one was a pretty big BANG! I really appreciate every word you have written and your willingness to be vulnerable and share your truth. I would say, YOU have found your voice! I applaud you Flora! Thank you.

  5. I’m working through some big fears due to past lives currently as well. See? You shared, and already there are people relating and feeling less alone.

    And I’ve noticed lots of dancer friends have trouble finding words when expressing emotions. I wonder what the common thread is……

    It’s been lovely reading your blog posts. They have been interesting, fun, pretty and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.

    Oh and I sold my very first painting this week.

  6. You may not realise but your blog post usually comes out each afternoon / evening as I arrive home from work. I look forward to it every day – its a calming down, special me time I can take out. Once your blog challenge is finished, I will miss it but as you say, starting something is always the most difficult and I’m thinking i may just “start something” with that time each day. Maybe I’ll just sit and write about stuff like I’m doing now – but I’ll take that ‘me’ time ……..thanks Flora for somehow and always “just being you”…….

  7. Flora, so glad you’ve shared yourself with us this past month! It’s been fun to live vicariously through your daily entries with you. It’s interesting to me to be aware that whatever your apprehensions are/were that you bravely shared are in fact so similar to what I would feel too. Fear, self doubt, etc…universal. Thanks for pushing through and finding your voice and inviting us to follow!

  8. I live in Sweden and when you post is the same time as I am eating breakfast. So each morning for 29 days I’ve sat down with bread and a cup of tea and read your blog. It’s been a wonderful, inspiring start of the day – it’s sometimes set the tone of my morning, and it’s many times made me think. It’s been like walking in a garden of flowers or in early spring rain (it sounds silly, but after reading your blog, that’s the same kind of feeling that have stayed with me).
    I hope you will continue blogging, even if it will not be every day. Thank you for those 30 days :)

  9. Flora honey wow, yes, I know exactly what you’re talking about here and feel those deep emotional scars from childhood and what used to happen when I vocalised, me. It’s with me every day and something that I work hard to overcome, brave up to and hopefully one day comfortably let go of.
    I actually started my own blog for this very reason. It felt like an easier first step to braving up and opening up. I still feel daunted by the task of speaking public ally, or even speaking to a bunch of girlfriends if the sole focus is on me. I find the last one really silly as I can chat away more comfortably one on one, although feel embarrassed and again self conscious when the conversation goes deeper and becomes more personal.
    It’s really been interesting for me as since i met you & embraced creativity & art as mot main passion in life, I’ve been gifted with some beautiful new caring open loving souls. It’s been through these special souls that I’m learning and growing in feeling more relaxed and comfortable in being me openly and sharing my inner self. A very special gift!
    I’ve so loved reading your posts this past month and enjoyed a new little ritual too. Each day I’ve sat down about 5pm with a cup of soothing tea and quietly read your post. Something I normally wouldn’t make time to enjoy. It’s been a real delight, very inspiring on both a creative but definitely more spiritual soulful level.
    So thank you so much Flora for braving up to those hopefully lessened fears and speaking openly, freely and beautifully from your heart.
    Much love dear friend,
    Liza xxx

  10. Your log posts have been so inspiring. Thank you so much for sharing. You are so honest and down to earth, even though you are an art rock star! :)

  11. Thankyou for taking me on your journey Flora. It’s felt like a comfy chat with an old friend and I’ve had a wonderful time xx

  12. Dear Flora,
    Does that mean no more blogging after the 30 days are over? I will miss them. i have read them before my school day starts with my special ED kids. I think you have inspired me to be creative through my work day. Thank you for your lessons of what you have learned through the blogging process.
    Kay

  13. You have been so generous to share this experience with us. I look forward to reading your thoughts ever day. You inspire me!

  14. Your blog is a special moment of my day. I take time to stop, drop in and feel that connection as you speak your truth. It has helped me to realize that although it is hard to be vulnerable and speak my truth, it is what keeps me on track. It keeps me moving towards being self less and away from being self centered.

  15. Oh Flora….I’ve loved taking this journey with you and each day’s post has touched me. But this one, my dear, I can hear the truth sparking off your fingertips as you typed it. Truly great/honest/resonating post. Thank you. I hope that as your 30 day commitment draws to an end, you’ll continue to blog more often – although an every day post would be too much to ask – do keep it up. Your words are as inspiring as your painting!

  16. Lesson #4: Moving directly through fear is the only way to get to the other side, and the other side is where LOVE lives.
    ….. So true!
    That’s where the empowerment , love, light come in!
    Good stuff!

  17. Flora, you really truly have NO idea how far-flung your journey has touched and influenced and changed others (which may actually be as it should be…). But I thank you for your courage and for inviting us into a tiny piece of you, and for inspiring us… no, wait… ME!… to commit to being present in the Now and daring to live with intentionality and transparency. I have this tiny bubble of hope within me. Again, I thank you.

  18. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Looking forward to working all four of the lessons in my own way…started already!!!

  19. I can relate so deeply to the healing work that comes with finding your voice. For so many years I was shy and terrified of the world. Terrified of speaking. . . saying the wrong thing. . . looking like a fool . . . I tried hard to blend into the background.

    Writing was my way of emerging. It helped me to break out of the shell that I was using to protect myself and step boldly into my life. I had always journaled as a kid, but sharing my words on my blog was a whole different level of using my voice.

    It is amazing to see the connections and growth that have occurred because of this. I have found that the post others would think I was crazy for posting are the ones that people most identify with. We are all human. We are all going through our own struggles. There is no need to hide behind them and bury them. Sharing these struggles and difficult moments opens up space for us to connect with one another, see how we are not alone, and helps us heal our own wounds.

    Way to go on taking this step into healing your voice. So bold and beautiful.

    xo

  20. FAB! Flora! I have enjoyed finding your blog in my inbox and followed you everyday, its a great feeling wondering what you will share today – NOW!
    May Day tomorrow so am excited and feeling much more grounded and calm in myself.
    Wondering if its partly due to giving up sugar?
    Been making poppie today and felt quite pleased with the progress I have made. I have been putting off starting – decided to “just do it” and feel my way leaving behind those negative judgemental voices (at least for a mo)! Love you xxxx

  21. Thank you for being so generous! I look forward to your posts. I’d love to hear about the outdoor mandalas in health & spirituality magazine if you would like to share. They are fantastic and I imagine creating them was fun!

  22. Wow Flora ~ I’ve been following your blog every day and enjoying getting to know a little more about you. See, I’m already a fan and I am also one of the very fortunate few that get to take your upcoming workshop in Port Townsend. So, Day 29 seemed like another great topic to read … and then I hit Lesson #4 – wow – it really hit me. I could have been writing those words. And, your comment about healing your voice and your resistance running deep – from another lifetime really gave me pause. Thank you for shining your light so brightly that some of it could even shine on me. I can’t wait to meet you in person. Namaste.

  23. Thank you magic Flora! Amazing site and love your blog. A very good friend sent me the video of you painting, which has left me inspired for days. I am emulating you in taking up the challenge of writing for 30days. In these 30 days i hope to paint, draw, write, shout, play dance more. Lesson #3: When you follow your soul’s calling, it often inspires others (even if that was not your goal). You’ve inspired me, thank you! xx

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